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Lagomorphography

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Dionin went off her feed a while ago. This is not strange. She started getting a little swollen belly. Also not strange, she's gone gravid before... goes off her feed, swells up, eventually lays a clutch of infertile eggs. Except this time it's different. She's suddenly weak and acting strangely. I've been so busy moving and changing jobs I didn't notice the swelling is the wrong.... colour? Position? It's all wrong. I just sorta expected she was doing the gravid thing again. Have a vet appointment tomorrow. I'm really... really upset right now. I've been mothering her since she was a shoestring. That was, what, 2002? Everything has to go sometime but please..not like this.
Current Mood:
scared scared
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Spreading the horrors of animal cruelty
The beauty of self-loathing
In a burning effigy of furry skins
Starved empty sockets
Skeletons buzzed on cocaine and crystal meth
The liberation of the vegans was a straight-razor
Along the backs of the morally inferior egomaniacs
Cramming meat into their high-end productions
Brutally dense courtesy killings
Crops
A chrysalis scored with dissonance
Riffs layered into a textbook delivery
And accompanied by short-lived faith

Based on a true story
Today’s celebrities are obsessed with issues
As uncompromisingly fancy and refreshing
As a case of crabs from a ten dollar whore.

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I never felt so low
I carved into myself a hole
Your arms were the only home for me

I walked to the bus, then the bar
Seeking comfort, seeking arms
And I never felt so low
I just want to be home

Forget my sorrow
Forget this pity
Forget the one
Forget this city
I’m going away
Far far away.

Somehow, even though you’re the one that left
I’m the one who went far away…

One night I, thirty-eight hundred miles away
Trying to forget your name
I didn’t want to play this game
I’m unhappy, I hope you’re not the same
I’m sure you’ll find someone else in the frame
I know we’ll meet again some day
And I will pretend that things have changed

Forget my troubles
Forget this pain
Pack it all in a box
And cover it in flames
Go away, far far away
go away
Go far far away

One night in Berlin
We were the same
And before that ever happened
I knew how to be
I knew how to be
How to be happy
But now happy
Is far
So far
Far away.
Current Mood:
tired tired
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The people of this city are faceless.
You need to make them hear you.

Try.
Try harder.

They don't want to be faceless.

Good.
Good girl.
Once you have a voice the city can hear...

You can rule the world.

Current Location:
Eden
Current Mood:
incontrivertible
Current Music:
Your pulse... slowing... slowing... stopping.
* * *
I am so exhausted by people.
And not understanding what drives you.
But loving you none the less.

I miss you.

* * *
You know what we see time and time again?
Born
Child
In love with life
Adolescent
Realization
Life’s not easy
Abandonment
Resentment
And then?
Self involvement
Self realization
Ego
Flaunting
=Cycle=
Realization
Life’s not easy
Abandonment
Resentment

Stop.

What if it wasn’t resentment?

...Realization
Life’s not easy
Abandonment

...Understanding
I am not alone in this...

Imagine what the next steps could be.

Current Mood:
strangers feel stranger
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Curls of surf at the edges of my mind.
Sleep washing away my functionality.
It's an ocean of ache flooding my bed that reaches across the city to crush me.
I drink five cups of coffee.
The tide goes out.
Oh miserable work days.
I'm tired.
If I weren't tired I'd be far more awake. Really.
This is my office life.
Everything and everyone matters; I am the keeper of details and deadlines.
I help. I console. I encourage. I celebrate. I create. I glorify.
I control.
This is what I do.
When approached.
Emphatically. Enthusiastically.
I am here to love.
This is what I do.
When approached.
Emphatically and enthusiastically.
A sad and lonely purveyor of golden order.
Worn. Sleepless.
Echoes of tireless youth grow more distant.
Feathers of the night all fallen out.
Dirty little wings down.
Nothing is ever the same after this next moment.
Uh oh. That sounded poetic.
I drink five cups of coffee.
The tide goes out.
That's better.
To inspire me is to love me.
Or is that the other way around?
There are so few places to find inspiration behind these walls.
My eyes divide the skies as I hide from the tides inside.
I drink five cups of coffee.
Is it only noon?
No, now it's two. Now three. Now time to go home, but I can't.
Now time for exercise.
Now food.
Now love.
Now bed.
Now me.
Alone.
My thoughts keeping me from swimming.
But not afloat.
Can one drown in one's own consciousness?
Current Mood:
the past
Current Music:
Say hello... to the rug's topography...
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I had a dream just now
I think I only slept for a moment, but in my mind it was years and years
We were kept separate
What we thought would only be months became decades somehow
When I saw you next, we were both old and grey
But you kissed me, and it was okay because I had been true to you
You tickled me and I laughed like a young thing
We rolled down a hillside in the grass and the sun, the summer breeze felt our smiling faces
And we died
But that was okay too because all things must come to this
And I had been true.
* * *
Hi mum!
Just sending you an email cause I felt like it. You should give me a call today! =]
I'm wondering what's happening with Christmas, are things getting a little more solidified? Ryshard's dad called me last night and wondered what I was doing at Christmas so I thought I'd see if we're certain yet on those plans.

I had a loooong dream last night. It was you and me!! Lol, AND my little turtle. We went on a trip to visit Aunty Grace and stayed there for a few days. Aren't dreams funny? Aunty Grace lived in a house, but it wasn't the one on Touzin Ave, it was a completely different house with mocha coloured walls and pretty, twinkly lights. There was plush carpeting everywhere, even in the kitchen!! Out front was a garden with some natural rocks that had water flowing out of them like a fountain, but Aunty Grace said it was actually a natural water spring. We made a little pen out front where some water came through the rocks and put the turtle there. He seemed quite pleased with being outside and able to run about.
The dream was so involved! We made meals and baked these little pies, and at one point you realized that you'd left your purse in the car unlocked... we went out to the car and $500 had been stolen from your wallet! I thought this was strange, and told you that a thief wouldn't have leafed through your purse and just taken that money, they would have snagged the whole wallet and gone through it elsewhere. I looked at you and said "I wonder if the turtle ate the money? He was playing in your purse on the drive..." So we went over to the turtle and I tickled his chin and said "you didn't eat the money did you?"
The turtle looked at me with his funny, smiley little face and then opened his mouth, and with a little *glurt* noise he threw up a $50!!!!
*chuckle*

You were worried about the poor little guy, but I told you that turtles will commonly swallow things they can't digest, and they just bring them up later, that he'd be fine. (this is not true in real life at all... I'd be very concerned if my turtle managed to somehow tuck a bill inside himself, let alone several... but in the dream I was quite confident that this was true and I wasn't worried at all)

So for the rest of the dream we occasionally checked on the turtle and found a couple of bills regurgitated in the pen with him. You and I went grocery shopping, we caught a Very Obviously Bad Guy writing nasty things on your car in bright orange marker. I ***climbed up onto a HORSE*** and chased him off... when I got back (no longer on a horse... this seemed like the most natural thing that a horse should just be there when I need to chase something down... spontaneous horses used to occur in my dreams frequently, but haven't for a couple of years) I was angry but you told me to calm down, licked a finger and wiped it and it was coming right off, so we hit a carwash on the way back and that cleaned it nicely.

We had a whole looooong conversation at that point... it's the last thing I recall but I can't remember at all what it was about. I woke up from a scene where it was you, me and Aunty Grace sitting around a circular wooden table, each with a mug of tea, talking about something very earnestly. I was distracted by the turtle, who had come up onto the table, slipped OUT of his SHELL, and nestled himself into my lap but was continuously wriggling, trying to get me to pay attention to him.

Dreams are so odd!

Love you!!!

Missy
Tags: ,
Current Location:
Canada, Toronto
Current Mood:
Very Up Today
Current Music:
DTP - Awake!!
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